I wish I hadn’t tossed out my old foot locker, I knew those notes would have came in handy, I could kick myself! How was I supposed to know that I would need them so badly right now?!? That silly way we would fold them so there was a small corner to grab and then it unfolded, and that funny little face you would doodle on everything. I wish I could go back to the day when I had several hundred of your letters and I could just read through them, hear your voice, see your face as you said those words, and maybe close my eyes and feel you next to me. I wish I could go back there, like Stevie says, on the edge of seventeen, that would be awesome!

You don’t realize that you had a way with words much more so than you know. You not only put a smile on my face, you kept it there for almost a full 27 years. How many men can say they did that? You accomplished so much more in life than you know Jason. I hope you get a Wonderful Life tour so you can see the effect you have on the people that love and respect you. Your untimely death has left many of us broken, scarred for life, and confused, but you are like the star that burns the brightest, it means you’ll burn out the fastest. I miss you. I miss you little notes in the morning. Your text messages telling me to have a “beautiful day” I miss everything about you, your smell, your touch, your soft whispers at night “scratch my head babe”, “rub my back”, “touch me babe, I fall asleep quicker when I feel you” all the little things that I thought would be there forever, I miss it.

Those letters I had were testimonials to the love we share, I wish I had them now. I know you kept mine too, but I’m sure they’re gone along with the other ones. It’s not easy keeping all that stuff, especially after we started a family. I remember that day, when we discussed getting rid of the foot locker, I was not happy, but I knew we had to sacrifice some junk to make room for baby junk. Ah..the junk…it collects over a period of time, but somehow I didn’t manage to keep the most important things. Ah well, I can’t see the future, if I could I would have said take the job at Chrysler.

Jas, I’m sure you’re busy up there, building miracles and all, but could you help your woman and dole out a little Divine intervention…help me find some letters please? Where can I look babe? I checked the dresser, but all I found was holiday greeting cards, your wooden box full of change, and your Penthouse playing cards…yeah you can keep those in the drawer thanks! Would anything be in the shed? Your storage container of clothes maybe? I checked your car, but no letters. I mean I have the FB account, looking at your inboxes is nice I guess. I just really want something to hold of yours…you know?!? Something that you touched that I can touch, something with that sweet handwriting I know so well. I miss you Jason! Where are you? Visit me please….even if you just talk….I promise I will listen….

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